Summer of LOVE?

As far as this summer goes, many plans were made, most of which have become dismayed. As a matter of fact, I am quite as busy as I set out to be, though in ways that stray altogether from what my plans were. I can't pretend to dismiss how happy it makes me that I don't have to stay home everyday, but I feel a little unsatisfied, crazy as that might sound.

I am currently a Junior Lifeguard at the Expo Center in Los Angeles, which is home to the greatest number of Junior Guards in Los Angeles, totaling at 95 or so, while many other pools/beaches are home to a program of no more than 20 Junior Guards. Now, as far as that goes, I have Junior Lifeguard training from 9 to 3, after which I have an hour break before my next activity. Starting from 4 and ending at 5, I am in synchronized swimming, which is only from Monday through Thursday. Speaking of which, Junior Lifeguard training is from Monday throught Friday. After synchronized swimming, from 5 to 6 (Monday through Friday), I have novice swim team practice. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have Capoeira from 6 to 7. And that is my weekly schedule. Except for weekends, I am pretty much booked.

Now, in terms of what I had set out to accomplish this summer, I have done the following:

• I have lost precious little weight since the start of Junior Lifeguard training two and a half weeks ago - of which I have another 5 1/2 weeks left.


• I have only done about 6 or 7 chapters of the Official SAT Prep Something Something Book. My second test will be in October, and if I cannot raise my score to a 2000 or higher, I might as well just stop trying so hard.
• I have yet to complete my first assignment for the BP. Fashion Board, however, I gladly report that I have begun and that I am on my way to what I hope will be dear success, although the variable may prevail.
• I have yet to complete summer assignments for AP Art History (for which my appeal was denied vehemently - a decision which I hope to change with the efforts that I am putting forth in demonstrating my persistence and well, demonstrated interest in the course and success in such), AP Government (which falls in the same category as APAH), and for AP English (which I was actually quite quickly announced as eligible for).
• I have yet to make true this fabled "Summer of Love," in regards to which I feel quite like a failure.

Now, speaking seriously, and this isn't teen melodrama, but I feel totally unrequited and even..., I feel I have reached the point in this discussion in which I have truly exhausted the English language. I cannot find a word to describe how I feel, as though all efforts have been thwarted without remorse. I feel empty. And more and more I become sensitive to beauty, and God send a wrath upon me, but I cannot seem to find the person I am looking for. I want to find someone who will help me make it to the surface of the water. No Junior Lifeguard training is going to teach me to deal. I feel alone. I am striving to reach the surface but I can't seem to unload the weights that are holding me down, simply because I cannot find exactly what they are.

Thalia - Unremittingly Exhausting the English Language